Cough Cough

Yeah.....so.....um.....wait a second.....

I don't think there's another song that starts with such indecisive lyrics.

And today I'm happy to share the song stuck in my head this morning, it's comes from an energetic, new-wavy English band called Everything Everything.

This track "Cough Cough" is percussion and synthesizer heavy.  The lyrics are a bit cryptic, but the overall effect as a song works quite well.  Have a listen:

Yes.  That rocks indeed.  

I'm going somewhere else today with my blog post.  I feel unfocused and I'm sure this will be a bit of a ramble, but it's been on my mind, and it's my blog, so I'm going to share anyway.  

About 6 weeks ago I was hit with horrible, debilitating depression.  It happened to me last year and I thought it was just a situational thing.  When it came back this year, with a vengeance, I was totally broken, lost, angry, upset and just sad.  It's been the hardest thing I've ever been through, which is funny because really there's little wrong with my life.  It's just imperfect like everyone else's... my brain has just decided to dwell on what's messed up about life and it's been really really really really hard, to say the least.  

And this isn't a pity post.  I'm doing what I need to do to fix my troubled mind.  I just have to accept it, try my best to be strong and move on.  Luckily I have all kinds of support every where I go.  I really am so blessed and fortunate.  That's the irony, I can point out all the reasons I should be happy but it just doesn't work when you're mentally ill.  

As I've been reflecting on my life and my huge insecurities, I'm starting to realize that social media is a problem for me.  I use it as a desperate attempt to get attention.  This is unhealthy and has affected me more than I realized.  Last week I closed my Facebook account.  I figured it couldn't hurt.  I'm just trying to make my life more simple and make my world smaller.  

I suppose this blog is part of the problem as well.  I want people to read it.  I wish I didn't care, but I'm working on caring less.  It's an outlet for me, so I'll keep doing it.  But if I vanish all of a sudden from the internet world, you'll understand why.  

Thanks for listening.  Life is good.