Blogs are so passe and pretentious. Oh well, here's my blog about music that's stuck in my head when I wake up in the mornings along with adventures of the Cash family and wacky wacky crazy wacky shenanigans.
Well, The Divine Comedy is back in my head this morning. I think this band is the best kept secret in music. Those who have really looked into this band seem to never turn back.
Today's song, LOVE WHAT YOU DO, is from the 2001 album, REGENERATION. This album is incredible, start to finish. You really should buy it or listen to it on Spotify. You won't regret it.
And, since Divine Comedy is talking about loving what you do, I should tell you that I love my job. So much in fact that for Halloween this year, I am dressed like one of the remote controls that my company manufactures.
My wife is amazing and threw this together, so I must give credit to her hard work and talent. Thanks, Megan! Happy Halloween to everyone else.
Maroon 5 is a guilty pleasure band for me. Before you go judging me, hear me out:
I've been listening to this band for years, sort of. Before they were Maroon 5 they were a band called Kara's Flowers. They released an album, FOURTH WORLD, in 1997. This album has some great music on it and I've listened to it many times. I think Adam Levine is a great song writer, with a serious knack for catchy melodies. I'll play the song that was stuck in my head this morning and then give a few more thoughts.
Even though I admit to liking Maroon 5's songs, I will say that I like the music they did as Kara's Flowers much much much better. When they reformed the band, they sought out a more mainstream sound, and had more success because of it.
My real beef isn't so much about Maroon 5's sound. The music is good. What starts to bother me is that their music is too much about love, sex, breakups and relationships. There is so much more to sing about, and 4 albums later, Maroon 5 is starting to feel predictable.
As Kara's Flowers, they were writing songs about Oliver Twist, School Yard fights, and other interesting topics.
So, Adam Levine and Maroon 5 why don't you write about more diverse topics, there are plenty we can relate to besides love?
For example:
Relatives who drink too much
The migratory flight pattern of Canadian Geese
Or Corn Syrup
What this world needs is more songs about Corn Syrup, yo. If anyone reading this knows Adam Levine, will you pass this along to him and ask him pretty pretty please to write a song about corn syrup?
Today's song is from Regina Spektor. I have to say first, that I don't think there's a better voice in popular music than hers. It has such a clear, and strong sound to it. I don't know much about anything, but I would venture to say that she probably could have had a classical voice if she had chosen it.
This song is beautiful and sad. There are lots of break up songs, I have many in my collection. Most have an angry feel to them. The singer in this song is truly in love, and is truly breaking. I've been lucky in life that I have never truly experienced deep heart break, I hope to never have to endure that sort of pain, nor do I wish it on anyone else.
There is an "old" feel to this song. Like it would fit in the 50's or 60's. I want to say it almost has a Motown feel to it, if it's possible for a Russian-American hipster like Regina Spektor to write this sort of thing.
I was chatting with a friend today who mentioned that she was collecting break-up songs. It seemed like a strange collection to keep, but like a bozo I didn't figure out that she and her husband had split and so she was listening to break-up music. It made me wonder, if most people find listening to music that rings true to a particular sad situation is therapeutic, or if they would rather not have the music remind them of why they're suffering. I've found that listening to sad music, even the kind I can relate to, helps me to suffer through my situation- almost like it gives me comfort to know that somebody else has felt that kind of pain.
Regardless, my heart aches for anybody who has suffered the loss of a loved one, whether sad music helps or not.
For some odd reason, this song has been playing a lot in my head and it was this morning too.
I inherited this album from my wife when we got married. This is from Macy Gray's "The Id," a follow up album to her massively successful "On How Life Is."
Here is the song, it's the final track on the album. For some unexplained reason, this song is really catchy to me.
Have you seen Macy Gray before? She is very very very tall. In fact, I just did a google search and it says that she is 6 foot tall.
Now you know. I am also 6 feet tall, but my voice is not raspy.
As a kid, Disney was magical. I don't feel the same as an adult. There is a lyric I love by the British band, The Beautiful South: "The world is turning Disney, and there's nothing you can do."
Somewhere long ago, the magic of Disney died for me, but the parts I used to love and cherish are tattooed into my brain. Today's song is from "The Lion King." It's sung by villainous Scar and the hyenas as they plot to kill king Mufasa. No doubt, you are familiar with the tune:
How about those hyenas marching like Nazis? This is some serious stuff.
In a shameful effort to be funny, I'm going to tell you a story about the ONLY time I went to scout camp. The scout motto is Be Prepared and so is the title of this song. See how clever I am? If I had gotten a degree in writing, I would use the smart person term that has to do with transitioning a story from one subject to another.
I'm going to preface this story with the following: I am not an outdoorsy person. My idea of roughing it is cooking on a grill on my back porch.
In 1991, I was 12 years old. I had to leave my precious Nintendo against my will and head off to Camp Steiner in the Uintah mountains of Utah. Not only was I probably the newest scout, I was also the smallest. I was given a back pack 4 times the size of me filled with essentials to get me through the week. Everyone else happily marched along whistling the theme from The Andy Griffith Show while I struggled step by step to hike into camp.
At one point, I sat down to take a break. Nobody noticed and I was left behind. I found my way toward the camp and nervously asked around where my troop might be located and finally found them an hour later. Nobody had noticed I was gone. It was going to be a long week.
One of the first things we did, was what they call a swim check. Basically, you need to prove that you have the ability to swim well before they allow you to do activities on the lake, like canoeing and boating. It was the middle of the summer, but keep in mind that we were nearly 11,000 feet in elevation. The. Water. Was. Cold. As. Crap.
But we didn't know the water was cold. Nobody had warned us. So, with excitement, we jumped into the water to do the 4 lap swim check. Immediately, about half the swimmers exited the water. I remember, and I'm not exaggerating, my friend Rob was crying for his mom. I made it a lap and a half before requesting to leave the water. It would be impossible to put into words how cold this water was- it was unbearable. I remember looking at another friend, Paul, as he finished the final lap, that his lips had turned blue and his cheeks were purple. Later that day, a helicopter had to life flight one of the scout leaders out of camp from the hypothermia he was suffering from. This seems far fetched now, why would they allow scouts to swim in such cold water? But I tell you, I was there and I saw the helicopter take someone away. The hypothermia thing may have been a rumor- who knows.
Anyway.... I didn't pass the swim check, and sadly watched friends go off in canoes and boats while I was stuck at the camp. I was determined to try again, and the next day I proudly passed the cursed swim check.
In my life's accomplishments, I rank the following in what I'm most proud of.
In this order:
1. Getting Married
2. Becoming a father.
3. Passing the swim check in arctic waters at camp Steiner.
4. Earning my bachelors degree.
5. Earning my Eagle Scout award.
With a certificate in hand (or stamp or whatever they did) I braved the waters in a canoe with some friends.
But this is where the worst part happened.....
We rowed our canoe out to the middle of the lake and suddenly it hit me. I was sick. Terribly sick. I needed to get to a bathroom as soon as possible. I told my friends and they rowed and rowed as fast as they could to get me to shore, while I lied down in the middle of the canoe and held my breath. It seemed like an eternity but we made it to shore.
I jumped off the boat and ran as fast as I could to the nearest port-a-potty. (This is heading where you think it is, reader, so feel free to stop if you don't want to hear what happened next.) Perhaps I should have walked, cause I didn't make it in time. I crapped my pants about 5 feet from the toilet.
Humiliated, I entered the port-a-potty to clean up. Soon, I heard voices nearby, and some scouts started pounding on the door, "who's in there?" I told them to go away, but when it rains it pours. There was a small hole in the plastic near the door and they started to poke a stick into the hole and poked at my legs while I was taking care of my issue.
Once poking at me had gotten boring, they all started looking at me, one by one through this "convenient" hole in the wall. What humiliation. Then, probably the worst part came yet, a familiar voice came from outside, "Brady Cash is that you?" I recognized who it was immediately. It was a boy I went to school with, named Jim, who happened to be a bully and a rival of mine. He laughed with his friends, and I sat alone praying they would go away. Luckily, they did and I did my best to clean up and be on my way.
I wandered back to the camp and shamefully approached my scout leader and asked where the shower was. I didn't tell him what had happened. The adults had warm showers and the scouts had to use the cold showers. I think he knew why I needed to shower, and kindly escorted me to the adults shower where there was warm water. At least one thing went right that day.
And now that I'm writing this story down for the first time in my life, having to relive what happened to me at scout camp, I see that really the whole thing is very sad.
So, we've had some good times today haven't we? We've laughed, we've cried, and hopefully we've all learned something about ourselves? Each following year when scout camp came up, I told my parents that they could not make me go.
So whether you're talking Disney, or Scouting, the phrase BE PREPARED will come up. And hopefully next time you're stuck on a canoe with a gurgle in your stomach, you'll be more prepared than I was on that fateful day in 1991.
This is the first religious song I've had in my head in the morning. I don't listen to religious music often, unless I'm at church or some other church related activity. I'll do my best to make this as entertaining as possible, as I struggle to express myself in a "churchy" manner. I want to feel embarrassed that this song was in my head, but honestly, I do like the song (you should hear my wife sing it!) and it came to me in a moment when I truly was feeling uneasy.
Have you ever had someone tell you details about a dream they had? Was it boring to listen to it? It's happened to me before, and I must be honest, I don't love hearing about others' dreams. It seems that experiencing a dream is one thing, and telling someone about it is not nearly as exciting.
So with that, I'm going to tell you details about a dream I had last night!
This dream is one part funny, and another part terrifying (or it felt that way at least.)
It started with a knock at the door of our house. I opened the door and there stood a severely handicapped boy. He could barely walk. He told me that he was there to have a voice lesson with my wife. This was strange because it wasn't time for her to teach, and this boy was somebody she didn't know.
I peered out the window and there was a limousine. Megan proceeded to teach this boy and I wandered outside to see who was in the limo. The limo drove off before I could see, but there was buzz in the neighborhood that Utah Jazz forward Derrick Favors had been in the limousine. I wondered why he had been at our house and a neighbor informed me that he had taken pity on this handicapped boy who wanted to be a singer, caught word that my wife was a good voice teacher and had paid well to have Megan teach the boy.
This was very generous of Mr. Favors, however, there was a problem. It was his coming unannounced while we were trying to do other things. I wandered over to Derrick Favors' home to thank him for his generosity and kindly ask him to forewarn us next time, and like an idiot, I accidentally got him mixed up with Miami Heat Forward Lebron James.
Derrick Favors took this all in stride, and we had a good laugh over my mistake.
(Then this is where the dream got dark)
Derrick Favors and I wandered outside his home and I heard a commotion. I looked in the distance and heard screaming. There was a raging river filled with people. The water was rolling out of control and the people had no way of escape. A man in the river looked at me and said "there's a flood, run" before being swept away and out of sight.
I looked at my feet and water was filling the grass. By now Derrick Favors was gone, so I ran into a nearby house. The house was filling with water and I had to run to the highest point to escape.
(This all doesn't sound scary now reading over, but being a part of this dream was truly terrifying.)
The worst part was next, I was awakened by the scream of a child. I'm not certain if it was part of my dream, or one of my kids screaming, but it was an awful, blood chilling, and utterly terrifying sound, like someone was in real danger. It was 5:00 A.M. and I was so scared I could barely move. I thought about waking my wife, but was certain my imagination had gotten the better of me. Once I had mustered up the courage to get out of bed, I wandered slowly to each of my 4 kids' rooms to make sure they were safe.
I was so disoriented and frightened, that my imagination had gotten the better of me, and I kept thinking windows and doors were open, like someone had broken into our home to take one of my kids. I can't tell you the last time I felt this scared. I'd love to have a video recording of me, in the night, in a cold sweat, wandering about our house, when I am supposed to be the strong one, feeling so vulnerable and helpless.
I checked all the kids rooms and they were all safe, and sound asleep. Relieved, I sat down on the couch in our family room, almost tempted to lie down and go to sleep there. I realized a song was playing in my head and so I'll share that song with you now.
This all sounds odd, but this experience for me last night was very real and as I sat there on the couch, I felt comforted to hear this song playing in my head. I sat down and read the lyrics to the song later today and it was reaffirmed to me why I choose to have religion in my life- to have something to turn to when I feel hopeless, alone and afraid.
If you've never heard this song, then you were born in the 90's or later, or you lived in a cave in High School.
This song is synonymous with "The Breakfast Club" the 1985 film that made the song popular.
From what I read, this song was written for the movie and was offered to three or four other artists (including Billy Idol) before Scottish New Wave band, Simple Minds, reluctantly took the gig. It so happens that this song was their greatest hit. Isn't that how it always happens?
In 1985 I was 6 years old. In 1995, I was 16 and this is when I first saw "The Breakfast Club." I remember being deeply moved by the characters. I haven't seen the movie since then and wonder if it would seem more like a melodrama now. At the time, it all felt so relatable, and so it felt like a vicarious experience to watch the film.
Can you guess which character I connected with? If you say Molly Ringwald, you're dead wrong.
This was a tough one today. The song stuck in my head this morning is by The New Pornographers. It's called "Broken Beads" and I do like the song:
What's the song about? Your guess is as good as mine. Band member Dan Bejar wrote this song and from what I gather, much of what he has to sing about requires a lot of uncovering of layers. Since deep thoughts are not my forte, I will leave delving into meaning of this song up to my mom who is the only person who reads this blog. For now, I'm just enjoying the way this song sounds.
Of note, this is my 100th post on the site. I hope to do 100 more as there is so much music out there to talk about.
Yesterday, in an effort to entertain a bored 5 year old,I turned on The Pirates of Penzance, a 1983 film starring Kevin Klein and Linda Ronstadt. The catchy music from this campy production is a fixture in the repertoire of my brain and therefore we get to enjoy a song together today.
This is the opening number of the show as the Pirates drink and celebrate the 21st birthday of Frederic, the play's protagonist.
I was in a production of Pirates of Penzance nearly 13 years ago. I was the lead, Frederic, and let's say that this was a fun production, but maybe not the highest in quality. The fact that I was the lead was the leading indicator that the talent was sub-par. We still had a great time.
One night, the production went awry. It might be a "you had to be there" kind of story, but let me explain what happened.....
First a little background- This was an outdoor production and the sound was really bad. So bad, in fact, that we went into a studio and had some of the cast record background voices onto the minus track during chorus numbers.
Also, I need to give a little background on the plot to clarify what happened this night on stage- The Pirates of Penzance is about Frederic, who is indentured to the Pirates until his 21st year. When the day comes he chooses to leave the pirates for a more civilized life. Soon, he meets Mabel and falls in love.
Later, it's revealed that Frederic was born on leap year. His contract states that he's indentured to the pirates until his 21st birthday and so he is forced to leave his new love to return to the pirates.
OK, so if you're still with me, this is what happened. There is a scene in the second act where the Pirate King returns to Frederic to inform him that he must return to the pirates. He sings a song explaining it. When the sound people cued the song- a different song entirely played. It was the finale to act 2, and it wouldn't stop- background voices and all. They kept stopping the track, and starting it again and the same song kept playing, with the voices singing.
We tried to improvise the best we could around this- I do remember someone on stage saying:
"I hear voices" and somebody else saying "I see dead people." (This was in 2000, right after The Sixth Sense had been so popular.) The audience was laughing, but clearly the performance had gotten out of control.
Next, the sound people cued a song that happened two scenes later in the show. It was a song between Frederic and Mabel. Mabel rushed onto the stage and started singing about how much she was going to miss me, even though we had never been able to do the scenes that explain why Frederic would be leaving. The song ended, I dipped Mabel, kissed her and improvised: "Farewell, Mabel. I don't know why I'm leaving, but farewell."
The audience was confused, and so were all the actors. The sound guy had no explanation for what happened. And now I'm writing about it here, and hopefully you're laughing about it.
You know how much I love to share good music here. It may be rare that it happens, but this is a song to which I think you should listen.
The artist is Kishi Bashi, and his album is great, but especially this song:
Kishi Bashi is part of a couple of other projects (Jupiter One, and of Montreal) and is clearly a unique talent. I hope to hear much more of his stuff.
What's that you say? This post isn't funny or entertaining enough for you? Then I shall share with you an email I sent to my in-laws this week. Hopefully it will make you laugh. The response I got from my father-in-law was "LOL" and from what I hear, he doesn't use his LOL's lightly so that must mean I'm funny, right? RIGHT?
A little background: My in-laws live in a small town in Southern Utah. All their children are grown up and have moved around the country and they are getting close to want to retire. Their grown children are mostly found in Dallas, Texas, Cape Girardeau, Missouri and here in Salt Lake City, Utah. Father-in-law has worked hard and now needs to find a way to be closer to his kids, especially the grand kids. They have been struggling to decide where to relocate to be closer to everyone. The email is a joke, meant to make them laugh.
Dear Mom and Dad-in-law,
I know that you are having an internal battle regarding your near
future and where to settle down. I had this great idea this morning.
I just spent some time on Mapquest and found out the perfect location
to move. Drumrolll.......
KEARNEY, NEBRASKA!
Here is why:
Kearney is almost exactly 10 hours from Salt Lake, Dallas and Cape
Girardeau. It's the perfect middle ground for all your kids to reach.
If that hasn't convinced you enough, let me give you a few other reasons:
Kearney is really really nice. It's also home to the Great Platte
River Road Archway Monument. You can read up on this important
national landmark here:
Still not convinced, try this- While living in Kearney, you will have
plenty and plenty and plenty of time to visit the Museum of Nebraska
Art (MONA) which houses some important works of art
http://monet.unk.edu/mona/ Remember, they are closed Mondays and
Holidays as you weighing the pros and cons of moving here.
If you're still feeling skeptical, I've found some prime real estate
for you to check out.
I don't have much to say today, except this: The song stuck in my head today is from a highly underrated singer songwriter, Harry Nilsson. If I could give you any advise, more important even than getting married, buying a house, becoming a vegetarian or picking a favorite Olsen Twin movie, it would be to go and buy a Harry Nilsson CD. Like, do it now. Here are a few links to help make your decision easy and impulsive.
Now after you've listened to some of his songs you'll thank me.
I bet you didn't know that when The Beatles arrived in America, they were asked who their favorite American singer was. Both John and Paul said, Harry Nilsson.
Harry Nilsson, Paul McCartney and John Lennon
Also, I bet you didn't know that Harry Nilsson died penniless in 1994.
ALSO, I bet you didn't know that there is a documentary about Harry Nilsson called "Who is Harry Nilsson? (And Why is Everbody Talking About Him.") I think you can stream it through Netflix. I do recommend watching it.
Anyway, today's song is called "Jump into the Fire." It probably wouldn't be my first pick to show you, but it was today's song, so you have no choice.
Hope you liked it, and I hope that the Harry Nilsson CD you bought will give you years and years of happiness and joy.
First of all, I need to congratulate all those who participated in my giveaway.
Julie from Utah won the compilation CD.
Beckee from Arizona won 5 random CD's from my CD case. This is what she won for those who care:
1st- A compilation from 1999 that my brother made. It's full of mostly punk rock sounding stuff.
2nd- Another compilation from the same brother that he made for his son. It's full of kids songs
3rd- A black disc- I think it's a blank
4th- "Every Breath You Take" The classics from THE POLICE
5th- A Phish compilation made many years ago by a friend
Tan also from Utah won my Subway card
Holy crap, you guys are lucky to have won such nice things.
Today's song is by Tchaikovsky's masterpiece "The Nutcracker."
I was talking to Wifey Poo about what I needed to do to make today's post funny. Luckily, our 8 year old was nearby with a solution: Just be really sarcastic.
So, with that, I am now presenting a new segment that I like to call,
SONG SARCASM WITH PEYTON AND BRADY:
Peyton really likes this song, and so do I. So we both agreed that if we are to be sarcastic, that we need to say mean and untrue things about the song. Peyton will start.
Peyton: It's such a dumb song. I would rather watch BARNEY.
Brady: I couldn't agree more Peyt. This song is so boring, I would rather listen to Nickelback.
Peyton: I would rather watch Baby Einstein.
Brady: Yeah, Tchaikovsky was a moron. He didn't know ANYTHING about music.
Peyton: Why didn't he write a different song, it's too weird!
Brady: Seriously dude, If I had a choice between pouring lemon juice on an hangnail, or listening to this song, you know what I would do!
Peyton: I think they should just erase this song.
Brady: Ew, turn this song off now before my ears bleed.
This now ends "Song Sarcasm with Peyton and Brady."
I'm afraid if you're going to follow my blog, that you're going to be stuck listening to some Ben Folds, especially with the new album having just come out.
I am a nerd, and I love music. My wife is the singer in our family. She is very very very very very very good. Those who have heard her sing will agree with me. I have been singing my whole life as well. While my talent for singing doesn't even remotely compare to hers, I am honored to sing when I am asked.
Such was the case today when I was asked to sing at the funeral of someone from my church. The wife had died after 54 years of marriage- leaving the husband behind. I was asked to sing their song, which is a love song that Tony Bennett made famous, "Because of You." I felt good about the way the song went, in spite of how nervous I was to sing it. I felt a lot of pressure, this good lady only gets one funeral, and this song was so important to them.
I was told I did a good job, but I'm sure nobody would tell me if I was lousy. There was something I heard more than once about this song though- "They don't write them like this any more." There is some truth to that, but I think there are still plenty of nice songs out there, you just may have to dig a little bit more.
Take a look at today's song and tell me if you agree. The song is called "On Being Frank." It's about the personal assistant of Frank Sinatra and what he does with his life after Frank dies.
Now, I know that Ben Folds doesn't have the kind of voice that Tony Bennett or Frank Sinatra have. But listen to this song and tell me that it isn't the kind of song that would be sung by one of these legends?
This is why I admire Mr. Folds so much, it's his ability to write music that is smart, catchy music- and proving he's capable of fusing rock, jazz, pop and classical into his music. No, they don't write them like they used to, but I wouldn't write off this generation of musical artists entirely, especially those that write their own music. Frank and Tony may have been great singers, but they did not have this kind of gift.
This song is considered a classic even though it took a few years for anyone to recognize it as such.
English songwriter Richard Thompson married session singer Linda Thompson and this is an album they released together in 1974. The title track is the only song I know from the album, but I do like it a lot.
It's time for some giveaways you guys!
Everybody likes free stuff, right? Well free stuff's aplenty here at thesongsstuckinmyhead.blogspot.com,LLC. For example
Prize #1- A limited edition compilation of The Song's Stuck in Brady's head, Volume 4. From timeless classics, to guilty pleasures, to inexplicable randoms, this compilation is sure to give you years and years of audible joys and anxieties.
Prize #2- This has been popular, so I'm going back to it. This is my CD case containing 336 different CD's. For those of you who don't know what a CD case is, let me give you a history lesson. Back in them days, when I was younger, you used to buy something called a "compact disc" and you would put it into a machine that would play your "compact discs" and through something called "technology" music would magically play from the compact disc. At the time, I wondered if it was black magic, but it was just a fad. You kids and your iPods came along and ruined everything.
I'm giving away 5, count 'em FIVE, CD's from this case. Pick 5 random numbers between 1 and 336 and you will win something good. The picture below is a sampling of what there is to offer. Yes, there is a Spice Girls CD in the picture. You may be lucky enough to win it.
Prize #3 is a real treat. Straight from my wallet, this is a Subway card with lots of points on it. I don't know how many, but there are at least enough points to get a 6 inch sub- MAYBE a footlong. My only request is that you're lucky enough to win this card, that you don't toast your sub. Save that gimmicky crap for Quizno's.
OH! To enter this contest, simply make a comment below. Say whatever you please. I will randomly pick THREE winners- each winning ONE of the prizes. I will ship it to you, cause I'm nice. Or if you live close enough, you can pick it up. There is no purchase necessary y'all! DRAWING WILL BE HELD THIS SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6TH AT 10:00 P.M. (Or sooner if I feel like it, so enter now.)
I am back after taking a little break. I'm sure you are thrilled and that you missed me and my wacky wacky song sharing shenanigans.
Today's song is special, because I've been waiting for this music for 13 years. Last month, Ben Folds Five released their first album since 1999. Truly, it's everything I had hoped for too, great music, great lyrics, good beat. It's everything a BFF album should be- piano pounding rock mixed with heart breaking and beautiful melodies.
This song is the title track, "The Sound of the Life of the Mind." From what I've read, this song is about Sarah Vowell, who is an author, essayist and historian. I only know her from two things, she is a commentator on "Gigantic" a documentary about They Might Be Giants, she also voices Violet, the teenaged daughter from "The Incredibles."
Author Nick Hornby wrote the lyrics to this song. The message of this song is clear, about a youthful girl who loves learning in school, and watches her peers waste their time screwing around and missing the amazing things that academics have to offer.
Sarah Vowell, I'm afraid that I would not have been your friend in High School. And although you've turned out to be the cool one- I assure you I was much cooler than you were in High School.
For example, Sarah Vowell, let me tell you a story. When I was sixteen I was very very very small and very very very skinny. I was also very flexible. I had this trick I liked to do where I would get on my knees and cover my knees with pants, tucking my feet into the pant leg giving the illusion that I had no legs. I even had the amazing ability of curling my feet over my bum so that my feet were well hidden. There is no way I could do this now, but it looked very real and it was very funny. My favorite was to do an impression of Liutenant Dan.
So, being the clever and really cool kid I was in High School, me and some friends decided to go to a local supermarket with me in my clever disguise as a legless teenager. Since we didn't have a wheelchair, I was placed inside a shopping cart. My friends posed as my family and we pretended to "shop for groceries." When we got to an aisle with a large crowd of people, two of my friends started to argue:
"What do you want for dinner?"
"I want Rice-a-Roni"
"Well, I want Hamberger Helper!"
This fake argument escalated into yelling (we were in theater, we were really really cool, Sarah Vowell) and I broke up the arugment with possibly the most convincing acting I have ever done:
"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You keep saying you want this and you want that, when all I want is legs!"
(I could have sworn at the time some people nearby wiped away a few tears. I know now they weren't falling for our "gag," didn't think it was funny, and wanted nothing more than for us to go away)
So there you have it, Sarah Vowell. Not only did I THINK I was cool, I was also ridiculous and insensitive to those with disabilities. Look at what you've grown up to be, Sarah. And look what I've become. The sound of the life of my mind is clearly much quietier than that of yours.
