Be Prepared

As a kid, Disney was magical.  I don't feel the same as an adult.  There is a lyric I love by the British band, The Beautiful South:  "The world is turning Disney, and there's nothing you can do." 

Somewhere long ago, the magic of Disney died for me, but the parts I used to love and cherish are tattooed into my brain.  Today's song is from "The Lion King."  It's sung by villainous Scar and the hyenas as they plot to kill king Mufasa.  No doubt, you are familiar with the tune:

How about those hyenas marching like Nazis?  This is some serious stuff. 

In a shameful effort to be funny, I'm going to tell you a story about the ONLY time I went to scout camp.  The scout motto is Be Prepared and so is the title of this song.  See how clever I am?  If I had gotten a degree in writing, I would use the smart person term that has to do with transitioning a story from one subject to another. 

I'm going to preface this story with the following:  I am not an outdoorsy person.  My idea of roughing it is cooking on a grill on my back porch. 

In 1991, I was 12 years old.  I had to leave my precious Nintendo against my will and head off to Camp Steiner in the Uintah mountains of Utah.  Not only was I probably the newest scout, I was also the smallest.  I was given a back pack 4 times the size of me filled with essentials to get me through the week.  Everyone else happily marched along whistling the theme from The Andy Griffith Show while I struggled step by step to hike into camp. 

At one point, I sat down to take a break.  Nobody noticed and I was left behind.  I found my way toward the camp and nervously asked around where my troop might be located and finally found them an hour later.  Nobody had noticed I was gone.  It was going to be a long week. 

One of the first things we did, was what they call a swim check.  Basically, you need to prove that you have the ability to swim well before they allow you to do activities on the lake, like canoeing and boating.  It was the middle of the summer, but keep in mind that we were nearly 11,000 feet in elevation.  The. Water. Was. Cold. As. Crap. 

But we didn't know the water was cold.  Nobody had warned us.  So, with excitement, we jumped into the water to do the 4 lap swim check.  Immediately, about half the swimmers exited the water.  I remember, and I'm not exaggerating, my friend Rob was crying for his mom.  I made it a lap and a half before requesting to leave the water.  It would be impossible to put into words how cold this water was- it was unbearable.  I remember looking at another friend, Paul, as he finished the final lap, that his lips had turned blue and his cheeks were purple.  Later that day, a helicopter had to life flight one of the scout leaders out of camp from the hypothermia he was suffering from.  This seems far fetched now, why would they allow scouts to swim in such cold water?  But I tell you, I was there and I saw the helicopter take someone away.  The hypothermia thing may have been a rumor- who knows. 

Anyway.... I didn't pass the swim check, and sadly watched friends go off in canoes and boats while I was stuck at the camp.  I was determined to try again, and the next day I proudly passed the cursed swim check. 

In my life's accomplishments, I rank the following in what I'm most proud of.
In this order:
1.  Getting Married
2.  Becoming a father.
3.  Passing the swim check in arctic waters at camp Steiner. 
4.  Earning my bachelors degree.
5.  Earning my Eagle Scout award. 


With a certificate in hand (or stamp or whatever they did) I braved the waters in a canoe with some friends. 


But this is where the worst part happened.....



We rowed our canoe out to the middle of the lake and suddenly it hit me.  I was sick.  Terribly sick.  I needed to get to a bathroom as soon as possible.  I told my friends and they rowed and rowed as fast as they could to get me to shore, while I lied down in the middle of the canoe and held my breath.  It seemed like an eternity but we made it to shore. 

I jumped off the boat and ran as fast as I could to the nearest port-a-potty.  (This is heading where you think it is, reader, so feel free to stop if you don't want to hear what happened next.)  Perhaps I should have walked, cause I didn't make it in time.  I crapped my pants about 5 feet from the toilet. 

Humiliated, I entered the port-a-potty to clean up.  Soon, I heard voices nearby, and some scouts started pounding on the door, "who's in there?"  I told them to go away, but when it rains it pours.  There was a small hole in the plastic near the door and they started to poke a stick into the hole and poked at my legs while I was taking care of my issue. 

Once poking at me had gotten boring, they all started looking at me, one by one through this "convenient" hole in the wall.  What humiliation.  Then, probably the worst part came yet, a familiar voice came from outside, "Brady Cash is that you?"  I recognized who it was immediately.  It was a boy I went to school with, named Jim, who happened to be a bully and a rival of mine.  He laughed with his friends, and I sat alone praying they would go away.  Luckily, they did and I did my best to clean up and be on my way. 

I wandered back to the camp and shamefully approached my scout leader and asked where the shower was.  I didn't tell him what had happened.  The adults had warm showers and the scouts had to use the cold showers.  I think he knew why I needed to shower, and kindly escorted me to the adults shower where there was warm water.  At least one thing went right that day. 

And now that I'm writing this story down for the first time in my life, having to relive what happened to me at scout camp, I see that really the whole thing is very sad. 

So, we've had some good times today haven't we?  We've laughed, we've cried, and hopefully we've all learned something about ourselves?  Each following year when scout camp came up, I told my parents that they could not make me go. 

So whether you're talking Disney, or Scouting, the phrase BE PREPARED will come up.  And hopefully next time you're stuck on a canoe with a gurgle in your stomach, you'll be more prepared than I was on that fateful day in 1991.